im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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