Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize