its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
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he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
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When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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