i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I touched a dick in church today
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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