I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
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We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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