found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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