somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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