had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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