No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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