my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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