I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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