I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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