I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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