a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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