I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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