why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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