last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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