I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
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This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
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You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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