What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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