11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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