I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
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Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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