I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im about as happy as oj after his trial
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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