Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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