TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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