Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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