Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
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You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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