I seem to have left my pride at pride
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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