I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize