Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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