if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize