i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
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No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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