so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
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Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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