So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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