Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
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You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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