After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
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dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
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the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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