Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
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Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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