my shit smells like andre
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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