just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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