i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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