I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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