It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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