I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
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I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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