apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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