Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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