i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
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What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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