Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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