Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
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Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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