new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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