I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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