I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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